Eat Your Sacred Cows

I travel. Hard and often. I hunger for new ideas and ways to see the world. Extreme experiences that shift the way I think. If something's good there's a good chance that something else interesting will happen if you go a bit further. Of course sometimes you go too far but how else would you know where your happy place is?

Books, music, ideas. Physical, emotional and psychological discomfort. All lead to a varied, flexible, non-dogmatic you. No one ever got to anywhere of significant value without significant discomfort. A new idea has brought on that feeling that you might come apart at the seams? That's growth - it's the signal that you're squeezing out of the old version of you. Like a moulting crab. Make no mistake. You might lose your assumptions and with them your limits. Keep it up. That's how you'll get somewhere.

So yeah. When you went to high school and decided that was all the new ideas you needed. When you didn't feel any need to explore music beyond Creed or Dave Matthews. When your workouts are 3x10s of bicep curls and 10 minutes on the elliptical trainer. When you think this is enough, that's when I walk away. Where is your fucking hunger? We are presented with so much moderate banality. Is that all you are? Some sheep that gets excited at the playoffs and wears white sneakers with jeans? Jesus. I can forgive young people for a while because they don't necessarily know any better but they shouldn't ever settle. It's unforgivable in an adult. You should have dug deeper by now.

Not being satisfied by this stuff was a blessing for me as a young person. Being bored with something that was thrilling the simple minds around me forced me to dig, to find something that suited me better. If I was going to be alienated at least it was going to be for something that was rocking my world. So much of my exploration was deemed negative by the people around me. I wasn't being negative, it's just that the stuff you expected me to like was boring and I was being critical! And once I found interesting books, music and ways of living my so-called negativity went away all by itself.

I have huge sympathy for young LGBT people because they are forced into the same exploration. Alienated because the things everyone around them like don't fit so they have to dig to figure it out. That digging builds better people. Anyone who hasn't had to do this missed a valuable personal growth process.

I don't care that I end up in places where my interests scare lesser people. I don't care about their limits; they can continue living in their little worlds. I'm always looking for new doors. Who can give a shit about convention when you've just had your mind blown wide open? I'd rather be alone with that than surrounded by sheep.

So many people made it to adulthood without exploring anything. They are in the exact same place emotionally and psychologically as they ever were. When they are not around I am free to explore and not be limited by that fear of expansion. When they are around I have to reduce myself back down to where they are at so that I don't freak them out or inadvertently push too hard on their boundaries.

There is no convenient ending.