Lists

So I went to a party. Met a girl. Got her number and later that week made a date to see her the following weekend. I told a friend that this girl checked most of the items on my partnership checklist. Friend said I was shallow.

But I'm not so sure.

I see a lot of movies. Some I love and some I don't. For a long time I lacked the vocabulary to effectively describe why some worked for me and others didn't. Then I learned about editing, lighting, photography, continuity, phrasing and the varied-but-consistent proclivities of different directors. Suddenly I had a language for explaining my joy or disappointment.

And it's the same with potential partners.

A few years ago I came out of a long relationship. It was a very difficult transition after being together for so many years and sharing so much. As I moped and recovered a friend suggested I make a list of the traits that I was looking for in a potential partner. After all if I had no idea what I liked, didn't like, and found compatible, how could I ever recognize that combination in a person when they appeared?

Of course this speaks nothing of timing. Of how a person who held the key on one day might not if you met them a year later.

So I made a list. And ever since I've been dating people with different combinations of these traits. As a general rule the list is accurate. The women I've dated have confirmed this. The things I think I want are exactly the things I want - and now I know for sure. The trick is in the proportion. Too much of one thing, or not enough of another spoils the recipe.