If only we had the experience and wisdom required

Maybe we get one shot. One chance to open the floodgates without limit. Full bore. And oh how foolishly we spend that chance. On someone we choose because of confusion around sexual desire or loneliness. If only we had the experience and wisdom required to make such a choice.

The learning that follows such a decision inevitably makes it harder for the right person to get through even if the state of readiness is much higher. Even if it that person is eminently more qualified than the person who first closed the gate.

Something that maybe once eluded you

I want to say something angry but I have nothing left to say. You were what you still are. I didn't know any better. And now I'm upset. I want someone to blame but you're not a worthy target. You're just a person who entered my periphery and did the best they could. You didn't know me. You didn't even know yourself. And look where you are now. What you think is good is broken. And you thought what I offered to you was of value. As if it was honesty. And you took it. Cherished it. You didn't know better any more than I did. I tried to tell you that better things were coming but you were so desperate for something to fill the void in your heart that you rushed to the first thing that came along. I hope it satisfies you sincerely and completely.

You never knew me without filters. Not even once did you see me without censorship. I was never pure honest for you. Not once. Pure and complete is something you will see from the corner of your eye as some thing that maybe once eluded you in another life. The thing you knew was barely a golem of the real thing. A thing that time and time again tried to show itself to you in its purest form. But failed. And now we're both alone and I am without illusion.