Another Day

Well where do we start?

I sit down at the keyboard and the crazy thoughts that were swirling around my mind all day just vanish. I obviously need a notebook!

I'm starting to feel very alone. And I'm starting to not really care. My mother has been without a partner for twenty years and is fine with it. I inherit my natural bent for solitude from her. And now that I feel like my relationship might be coming to a fork in the road, I wonder how (if!) I would do things differently. Would I embark on another relationship? Is the whole concept of partnership just an illusion? I'm not bitter. I'm just tired. When she speaks I know what she will say. If something happens I know how she will react. On one hand this is comforting but on the other it's monotonous.

The things Dan Savage says about surviving the monotony of monogamy are so true. That sex with one person alone is not enough, even if companionship is. That sometimes we have to stray in inocuous ways to gain a different sense of satisfaction/exploration.

I might be done with everyone altogether. God I thought everything would be so different!

If you'd asked me six years ago what I wanted I'd describe my life today nearly to the tee! I guess our desires are always a few steps ahead of our means.